hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
