Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
