Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
