You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
