WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
