We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
