vagina is talking i cant
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
