when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize