When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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