There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
