oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So apparently I’m into choking now
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize