Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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