i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
