I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Did I show you my penis last night?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
