i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize