i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
