if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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