So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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