But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
