omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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