How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
