The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
