Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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