New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
