my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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