No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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