She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
