i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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