Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
