I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I will die if light touches me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
