youre lurking in front of me
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
