I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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