I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
