He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's the barista slut.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
