best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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