she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
