So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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