The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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