i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
