Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
