I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
