he wants to bone in the snuggie
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Randomize
