At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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