I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
