...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
