so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
