I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize