I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
