meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
