Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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