last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
