i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
whose ass print is on the piano?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
