my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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