Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
