I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
