Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The air was thick with penises
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I would ride that face into the sunset
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
