Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
