Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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