It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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