I just cut my nipple shaving
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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