Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
