Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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