all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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