Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
