Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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