her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
