In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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