capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
