I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
