its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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