those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
