I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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