It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
