so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
