It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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