His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
